It's Not Always Smiles, Laughter, and Beautiful SceneryI recently read a post on the Liv Cycling webpage/Facebook page by fellow Liv Ambassador Lesley Paterson about social media and the impressions we get about others via the brief moments of their lives they share with us. It goes into how what we see on the internet is really only a microcosm of what people are like and what they do and often it is the better highlights of their life. Rarely do they share the horrible selfies, the not-so-spectacular scenery, and the events that went wrong. As the article states, this concept is coined "impression management".
Reading this article got me thinking about my own social media use. I'm not a big user of Facebook or Instagram. I don't use and really don't understand Twitter or Pinterest. I have a Strava account but rarely make rides public. Heck, Joël and I still have flip phones. And why? Because we like to keep things simple, we don't like to get caught up in others drama and in trying to "keep up with the Joneses". We enjoy seeing what everyone is doing but we don't want to judge our workouts, our races, or our lives for that matter based on what others are doing. We often refer to Facebook as "wastepage" because it can be such a time sucker. This outlook helps us not get sucked the self-criticism that comparing lives via social media can lead to.
But...then the more I thought about it the more I realized that despite my minimal usage of social media and the fact that I don't get caught up in following others "impression management" I am just as guilty as most at posting the highlights. Now, don't get me wrong. Just as I portray in posts, I truly do enjoy riding, go on many awesome riding trips, and always try to race with a smile on my face. Both Joël and I will post photos and reports of rides that maybe were not ideal, had negative moments, and challenged adversity in someway. We still find the positive in these outings, but there are also many deep, dark moments that are not filled with smiles and joy; they are in fact quite the opposite. Some of the smiling moments also have a dark side. In the spirit of debunking the "impression management" persona, I thought I would share some of the bad times to show that not everything is the Nankman's cycling lives is always smiles, laughter, and beautiful scenery.
Hard Core 24 Sure, I won this race. And when you look at my social media posts about it I'm smiling and look like I just had a great time on the bike. I did, there certainly were many awesome moments. But, what cameras didn't catch was me vomiting next to the van at around 3am and then only be able to keep down liquids for the rest of the race. Many of my last few laps I walked a good portion due to such severe back pain; in fact I had to stop and lay down between laps to give my back a break. I even cried my way though portions of laps due to the pain. No pictures to capture these moments, but they were a big part of my race.Winter riding Many of the social media posts have shown Joël, Cliff, and I galavanting in the snow. Riding along in a winter wonderland. Looking like it's the best time in the world. Yes, winter riding can be enjoyable but in fact a good portion of the time it's miserable due to cold temps, snow and rain, and slippery trail conditions. If you see a picture of me riding in the snow, most likely I was probably objecting to stopping for the photo because of getting cold and not wanting to put my feet down in the snow as to not get my cleats all filled with chunky frozen goobers. I can hear myself now "really, another photo, this sucks, can we just get this ride over with and get home"
Erie 80 This race is in a great venue and put on by a great group of people, but personally speaking was a horrible experience for me. It was cold, really cold. It was late in the season and the motivation to race was just not there. I sat in the van prior to the start and practically cried telling Joël I just didn't want to do it. For most of the first portion of the race my fingers were so cold I had trouble shifting and braking; which is not ideal on a technically demanding course. The race was long and challenging with rough-cut single track, I rode by myself most of the time, and just didn't want to be there. But, I pushed through all the bad thoughts and rode on. Sure, I made it on the podium and was smiling for the photo but a good portion of the day I was cursing, feeling miserable, and just wanted to go home.
24 Hours in the Old Pueblo Arizona should be warmer than Pennsylvania in Winter, right? Not the time we did Old Pueblo. Temps near freezing during the night laps, with rainy, muddy, and just down right miserable conditions to be out there. Both Joël and I were determined to ride the entire 24 hours, and we did. In fact, I even had to go out well past the 24 hour mark. Due to the finish time rule of having to complete your last lap after the 24 hour mark; which I stupidly didn't know about. I came through the finish area ready to stop with my last lap ending just before 24 hours and was told if I didn't go out for another lap I would be a DNF. Thinking I was done I didn't grab any more food or water on my way through the pits. Could you imagine the look on my face, one of complete despair, when I was told I had to go out. I wandered around the finish tent asking for food and water. Tired, cold, hungry and miserable I went out for one more lap.
Having to ask bystanders help me with the zipper of my windvest at a race because my hands were too cold to move my fingers, having a trail-side meltdown and then arguing with Joël in the middle of the forest, waking up in the van to sub-freezing temperatures and being too cold to cook on the camp stove...thus eating cold pre-made meals from the local run-down gas station in the front seat of the van while sitting in the parking lot are all other events that just didn't make it on social media; but maybe the smiles from the podium, the picture of the beautiful scenery, or the happy couple seen a few moments before or after did.
As one of my co-workers said to me the other day after I told her I wimped out and didn't ride to work on a cold, wet day "wow Jess, you really are human". So always remember that the next time you are perusing your favorite social media site; not all that you see meets the eye, not everyone is as super-human as they appear. I've given you examples of Joël and I putting our best foot forward even though behind the scenes not all is as perfect as it seems. Don't get caught up in what others do and don't always feel like you need to keep up with others. You shouldn't ever feel that you aren't good enough, strong enough, or fast enough based on what others have to display. That Strava segment may be during a sprint set for one person and at the end of a all-day epic ride for another. No one is really as awesome as social media makes them seem, they all have bad days and bad moments. And so do I.
-Jess